Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Half Full and Half Empty: A Morning Dialogue

Dear Diary,
I've been waking up early lately.  Someone tell my brain it is summer, and I don't need to
wakey wakey at 5:30 a.m.  The problem is not necessarily the waking, it is the tossing and turning afterward, the refusal to relax, turn over, and go back to sleep.

Here is how a dialogue starts in my brain at 5:30 a.m.  Since a dialogue requires more than one person, I have provided names for better comprehension: Half Full and Half Empty.
Half Empty: What time is it?

Half Full: Don't peek. I don't want to know; it doesn't matter. Just turn over and go back to sleep.

Half Empty: I'm a little cold.

Half Full: Pull up the covers.

Half Empty: But then I have to move.

Half Full: But you'll be warmer.

Half Empty: Maybe I should use the bathroom.

Half Full: Naw, you'll be fine for another hour or so. Besides, that will really wake you up.

Half Empty: But I will lie here thinking about trying not going to the bathroom when I really do.

Half Full: Fine, go. Then you can relax.

[moments later]

Half Full: All better?  Pull up those covers and relax. We've still got time for another dream!

Half Empty: Okay. [pause]    You know that church outreach program in December? I need to find a children's coordinator for that.

Half Full: Fine. Let's think through that when we are awake.

Half Empty: But I've got to figure out who to recruit. I mean, should I ask someone personally or put an ad in the bulletin?  No one ever responds to those ads, but I should try-- that is, if I can't think of someone to ask personally.

Half Full: Fine, yes. We'll talk about this later.

Half Empty: Should I have a theme this year? Would a Western Nativity Festival be a little weird?  Cowboy hats and ropes and horses to go along with the wise men and baby Jesus?

Half Full: Go to sleep.

Half Empty: This position isn't comfortable, maybe I need to inflate my sleep number.

Half Full: Go to sleep!

Half Empty: Is that sunlight coming through the blinds? What time is it, anyway?

Half Full: SLEEP!

Half Empty: Hey this could be a funny blog post.

Half Full: Hilarious. Can it wait until we are up?

Half Empty: It should be a dialogue of what goes through our head when we are tossing and turning in the morning. What shall we call ourselves?

Half Full: Shhhhh!

Half Empty: Yin and Yang? Pessimist and Optimist? Half Full and Half Empty?

Half Full: Fine. Let's get up.

Half Empty: But look at all the time we have to sleep still!

Half Full: Ain't gonna happen. Let's just get up.

Half Empty: Fine!

Half Full: Fine!!

Half Empty: Fine!!!

Have a well-rested, Half Full day!

Monday, July 28, 2014

A Few Words About Nothing in Particular

Dear Diary,

Over the weekend I had a day in which the hardest decision I had to make was what color nail polish to put on my toes.

It was a perfectly unproductive day of rest.

The first part of this day consisted of a short drive to a friend's house with my girls for a little GB&M.

Girls Brunch and Musical. 

I think this is the start of a great tradition:  A little Gene Kelly and bleating lambs frolicking within the borders of mysterious Brigadoon to go along with my egg and spinach frittata and citrus punch!

Second only to popcorn, brunch seems so apropos for musical DVD watching.

Then I headed back home for some creative writing and to sit out on the back deck and sort through all the bottles of nail polish the four household females have acquired.  I even managed to throw away some bottles of nearly empty, or way-too-gooey, polish in the process.

The compulsive in me came out as I pulled out bottle after bottle of color from the bin and grouped them.  No surprise that the pinks and purples were the most popular on the spectrum.
I found colors at the bottom of the bin that haven't seen the light of day for probably ten years.

Now it is Monday, and I am back to job hunting, helping out four-legged friends as well as two-legged ones, cleaning, volunteering, praying for hurting loved ones, laundry, list-making...get the picture?

But I can do it with a light step and rosy attitude because my toenails are sooo Diva Pink!



Time to add "cook dinner" to my list of to-dos.
Ta Ta!


Thursday, July 17, 2014

Adult Phrases I Never Understood as a Kid (But Do Now)

Dear Diary,

I've had a list sitting on my desk for more than a year. 

It is a brainstorm of phrases like, "Wait 'till your father gets home," and "This is going to hurt me as much as it will hurt you."  You know, stuff my growing and logical mind didn't understand in childhood. Then one day, after the veil of childhood is removed, full knowledge of the reasons adults say these things is revealed.

Let me share what I have on my list so far.

Oooh, as a young child that answer brought hope: "Mom said, 'Maybe we can go get ice cream later!'" Though it wasn't a yes, it wasn't a no, either.

Then as I got older I realized that maybe really was a no couched in a soft cloud of ain't-gonna-happen-so-get-over-it.  I know. I use it with my own kids.

Get dressed, you might feel better.
After a few feverish days of lying in bed and being fed fried egg cut together with bits of plain toast, I am told to take a shower and get dressed, I might feel better.

Now I am clean, have on jeans and a t-shirt, and I still feel like crud.  (Puh-leease don't send me to school!)

As a parent, I have nothing but sympathy for my sick kids...until the second or third day I am missing work or a long-planned lunch date with an old friend. Try a shower and clean clothes, kids! You might feel better!

Are you sure you want to spend your money on that?
As someone who got piddly diddly for an allowance, I didn't have much freedom for spontaneous or random purchases.  My purchases were carefully planned and thought out.  Of course I'm sure I want to buy that lime green, vinyl, inflatable chair. It is sooo groovy and just the right size for watching TV and playing Pong. Never mind that it would last only a week.

As an adult, I spew these words before I can catch myself, usually when my kids are buying their umpteenth big-eyed stuffed animal with their piddly diddly allowance money.  Of course they are sure, or they wouldn't be standing in the check out line counting out their quarters, nickels and dimes.

I need to take a nap.
Really? Aren't naps for babies? 
I remember after the big Christmas meal, with all the cousins and grand- and great grandparents, having to WAIT HOURS (it seemed to me) to open the huge pile of presents surrounding the tree because certain OLD PEOPLE needed a nap before proceeding with their day.

It's CHRISTMAS and I am seven years old. 
Who makes a seven-year-old wait until 3 pm to open presents? 

I wonder how many anonymous phone calls DCFS gets on December 25th?

As an adult -- though not an OLD one -- I understand that a nap really can be a lovely thing. Especially on my green couch in the sun room.  But only on non-gift-giving days.


The couch is calling. 

What are some phrases you remember that just didn't make sense when you were a kid, but do now?


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

When a Phone is Not a Phone

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I had a conversation with someone who was trying to explain where a certain lake was in another state I will be visiting.  As she described the roads and the intersection with the Orange Moose*, she quipped, "You know, just use your phone to look it up."

I kept a straight face, but inside I went, "HA!" like some text bubble above Lucy's head in a Charles Schulz cartoon.

I am a person who counts my blessings. So instead of complaining/admitting that I don't have a fancy smart phone in the palm of my hand, I will brag about what I do have.

In the '90s, my phone would have been Da Bomb!

It makes calls and sends texts. (Though please don't send me a text with an emoticon. It turns the whole message into pretty little squares.)

It tells time.

It has a notepad so I can keep track of all the medications I use and the dates of my kids' last tetanus shot, which I have to write on school forms every year.

It has a stopwatch with the tiniest numbers ever created, making it impossible for me to "go running" without my contacts. ("Go running" is a very, v-e-r-y loose term here.)

It has a rarely used calculator.

It has a QWERTY keyboard, thank goodness!  Imagine typing those long medication names using only keypad numbers.
      5-5-5..L  Oops! Where is the backspace??

It also has a...wait for it.................. camera!
Sure it can only hold about 12 pictures. But it comes in handy when I encounter a five-foot stuffed Olaf displayed in the infant/toddlers dept. at Sears-- which I need to haul off its three-foot pedestal in order to capture its larger than life adorable-ness with my daughter.


It also has a nice WARNING message to tell me my memory is FULL and I CAN'T take a picture of my kid's first moment wearing braces next to the ortho waiting room whiteboard announcing
Congratulations, SARAH, your braces are ON!
--unless I erase Olaf or some other much-needed picture.

Sorry, Sarah.

I do have a pocket camera purchased just for this reason, but did you know that sand and telephoto lenses don't get along?
That's a story for another day.

So, yes, my humble, not-so-Smart phone is a little black box of awesomeness.

Besides, if I had Smart phone GPS capability, I may never even notice the Orange Moose on my way to who-knows-where.  What's the fun in that?

Happy Summer!!!

*Anyone want to guess where the Orange Moose is?