Thursday, July 17, 2014

Adult Phrases I Never Understood as a Kid (But Do Now)

Dear Diary,

I've had a list sitting on my desk for more than a year. 

It is a brainstorm of phrases like, "Wait 'till your father gets home," and "This is going to hurt me as much as it will hurt you."  You know, stuff my growing and logical mind didn't understand in childhood. Then one day, after the veil of childhood is removed, full knowledge of the reasons adults say these things is revealed.

Let me share what I have on my list so far.

Oooh, as a young child that answer brought hope: "Mom said, 'Maybe we can go get ice cream later!'" Though it wasn't a yes, it wasn't a no, either.

Then as I got older I realized that maybe really was a no couched in a soft cloud of ain't-gonna-happen-so-get-over-it.  I know. I use it with my own kids.

Get dressed, you might feel better.
After a few feverish days of lying in bed and being fed fried egg cut together with bits of plain toast, I am told to take a shower and get dressed, I might feel better.

Now I am clean, have on jeans and a t-shirt, and I still feel like crud.  (Puh-leease don't send me to school!)

As a parent, I have nothing but sympathy for my sick kids...until the second or third day I am missing work or a long-planned lunch date with an old friend. Try a shower and clean clothes, kids! You might feel better!

Are you sure you want to spend your money on that?
As someone who got piddly diddly for an allowance, I didn't have much freedom for spontaneous or random purchases.  My purchases were carefully planned and thought out.  Of course I'm sure I want to buy that lime green, vinyl, inflatable chair. It is sooo groovy and just the right size for watching TV and playing Pong. Never mind that it would last only a week.

As an adult, I spew these words before I can catch myself, usually when my kids are buying their umpteenth big-eyed stuffed animal with their piddly diddly allowance money.  Of course they are sure, or they wouldn't be standing in the check out line counting out their quarters, nickels and dimes.

I need to take a nap.
Really? Aren't naps for babies? 
I remember after the big Christmas meal, with all the cousins and grand- and great grandparents, having to WAIT HOURS (it seemed to me) to open the huge pile of presents surrounding the tree because certain OLD PEOPLE needed a nap before proceeding with their day.

It's CHRISTMAS and I am seven years old. 
Who makes a seven-year-old wait until 3 pm to open presents? 

I wonder how many anonymous phone calls DCFS gets on December 25th?

As an adult -- though not an OLD one -- I understand that a nap really can be a lovely thing. Especially on my green couch in the sun room.  But only on non-gift-giving days.


The couch is calling. 

What are some phrases you remember that just didn't make sense when you were a kid, but do now?


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