Audacious for Advice

Dear Diary,

Ever meet an expert or professional of some useful service and want to pick their brain or get free advice?  I do all the time. 

Oh, you are a hairdresser? 
What do you think of my hair? Do you think this cut fits my face?  Should I take out the gray?  How do I hide my cowlicks?  Do you know a good cosmetologist?  I need to learn how to accentuate my eyes. Better yet, do you know a good, but cheap, cosmetic surgeon?

You are a family practice physician? 
Boy, do I get pains in my (fill in the blank).   In fact, right now I am kind of achy in the (fill in the blank).  Is this something I should get checked out, or just take Advil, or what?  And there is this thingy on my foot. Do you think it's serious? Will I need x-rays/surgery/medicine/therapy?

You work for a talent agency?
You know I used to be on the stage. Loved it.  Was told all the time I'm a natural.  Always wanted to do ads and TV and stuff.  Have you seen my kids?  They are pretty photogenic. My oldest did a rad Scarecrow in Wizard of Oz in 6th grade.  Yup, they are pre-tty talented.  And, well, you know where they get it from...

A techno geek?
Wow, you know my computer runs real slow, and sometimes my keyboard won't type the letter 'a'.  Oh, and to properly boot it I have to simultaneously press Shift-F12 while standing on one foot and humming the UW fight song.  Can you check it out for me?

You are a photographer?
Wow, we are looking to get the family portrait done again since the last one we did was before our youngest was born.  Now she's 10.  You think you can pull off the miracle of getting all five of us to simultaneously take a good picture (complete with ten non-blinking eyes)?  Oh, and could you give me some highlights and a chin-tuck while you are at it?

Just to clarify, these are not things I would actually say to a specially trained person outside of their office.  I may think them, but I am otherwise too shy and conscientious to bother them with my little problems.  "Make an appointment," my right-shouldered angel of conscience would say. Audacity is not me.

I am guessing there are some who don't mind answering those questions, even on their day off.  Likewise, I'd guess there are many who grit their teeth in annoyance when they are asked for their professional opinion for the umpteenth time at a dinner party.

Thankfully I don't have a vocation like that so I am not peppered with requests for advice or opinions. 

"Oh, LJ, you are a wife and mother of three girls?  What is the best way to wash a pink, sparkly tutu?" 

Until next time,
LJ